Being married and having kids is hard! Have you noticed that your sex life has suffered a little since having kids? We have four kids and I know that with each new child, making time for intimacy gets harder and harder.
It seems like most parents with their had a better level of intimacy with their partner. Thankfully, there are a few steps you can take to improve the intimacy in your marriage.
Easy Ways for Parents to Add More Intimacy to Their Relationship
When it comes to intimacy in a relationship, it is important to remember that it’s about more than the bedroom and sex. Does your intimacy only get started when you climb into bed? If so, that is probably one of the biggest problems.
Have Regular Date Nights
Having regular date nights is so important to your relationship. It’s healthy to take some time out from parenting and focus on your partner. Getting quality time with your spouse can really improve your relationship.
Date nights help you connect with your spouse without all of the household distractions. Unfortunately, it’s hard for couples with kids to find the time for a date night. Sadly, most couples don’t even try to make date night a priority after having kids.
What happens when we stop dating our spouse? Well for starters we end up just living with someone that we happen to have children with. Our relationship can end up feeling more like a friendship than an intimate relationship. Dating is an easy way to ensure that we maintain a level of intimacy.
When going out on dates with your spouse, make sure you pick a trusted babysitter. Use a family member or close family friend. When you don’t have the option of family and friends, ask others in your community who they recommend. There are some awesome high school and college kids that are great with children. Hiring someone you feel comfortable with will put you at ease when out on your date.
Once you have your babysitter in place, now the fun part comes. Planning your date night!
It’s easy to get stuck in the same old date night rut of dinner and a movie. But try to think outside of the box. Do something adventurous or romantic.
My husband and I used to pretty much always do dinner and a movie for our date nights. Then we realized that it’s not only expensive but we can watch those same movies at home after the kids go to bed.
Read my post on Romantic Date Night Ideas for Married Couples.
My husband and I recently did Escape Room for our date night and we had a blast! It was something new to both of us and it made us communicate with each other.
Keep the Romance Alive
As parents, we all fall into the trap of putting 99% of our attention on the kids. We are so busy working, getting kids from activity to activity that we often forget about our partner and trying to keep the romance alive.
Even if you and your partner don’t have a lot of time for sex, you can still find ways to ensure there is a level of intimacy in your relationship.
When you are out running the kids around take a second to text your spouse. Let him or she know that you are thinking about them. Tell them that you can’t wait to spend some time together later in the evening.
We often use text messages as a way to update our spouse on the kids, finances or what’s on the dinner menu. Change it up a bit. Make your spouse look forward to those intimate text messages.
You can also try leaving handwritten notes for your spouse. Set the note in their car, in the briefcase or in a lunch you made for your spouse.
Create Sexual Tension
I don’t know about you but I find when my day has been spent dealing with the kids, I don’t go to bed ready for intimacy. In fact, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. When my husband and I have hardly spoken two words to each other all day let alone even touched each other, sex just isn’t on my mind.
I have found that if we create sexual tension with each other throughout the day it makes it a lot easier to be in the mood that evening.
Some simple ways to create sexual tension is to send flirty texts, touch each other a lot during the day and lots of kisses throughout the day.
Think Outside Of The Bedroom
We have an 18-month-old that still sleeps in our bed so needless to say, our bed isn’t the best place for intimacy. I’m sure a lot of other parents have this same issue.
So instead of throwing in the towel and saying you’ll just wait for romance until little one moves to their own room, think outside of the bedroom.
This can get tricky if you have older kids but it can be done!
Try taking a shower together, going into a guest room or even your closet if you have a huge walk-in closet. You just have to get creative to ensure that your love life doesn’t suffer.
If you don’t have the problem of little ones in your room, then make sure you create a romantic master bedroom. You want to create a master bedroom that encourages intimacy. Make sure to read my post on creating a romantic master bedroom.
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